Here we go again with yet another rushing the court debate. We have had it so many times before that I have lost count on whether this debate has gone full Gary Busey or has taken a detour down the road of who actually gives a flying elbow. Personally, I don’t understand the arguments against it — sans safety concerns. I literally giggle whenever a man in his 60s talks about a kid in his late teens or early twenties recognizing whatever school’s history, tradition or proper court-storming etiquette should be, as if the the student actually cares about any of that and isn’t there to just have a good time.

The Fun Polizei Are At It Again (USA Today Images)

But that isn’t what bothers me. No, sir. I am a selfish person. Your opinion of having teams forfeit games because of fans is stupid. I mean, do you want actors punished for fans’ actions too? How about punishing you for the things that your unborn offspring do? “God slammit, Johnny! Your wife’s womb is shaking and it is making my chair not as comfortable. Banish her!” (End scene) I can honestly give two-poops about your opinion as far as kids rushing the court are concerned. I got bigger fish to fry.

So, let’s go.

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Remember when I said I was selfish? Good, because I am. With that being said, let me get back to my only concern — sans safety (because that is a legitimate one) — with the rushing the court debate. I happen to write the best column called A Column of Enchantment anywhere on the Interwebs. I happen to write such a column on a wonderful, sexy and insightful website called Rush the Court. As the main-man-in-charge of making my stuff relatively readable on that website has pointed out, this can lead to some extreme changes.

According to Whois, both http://t.co/1EiCTOJiVe and http://t.co/gRBG9AMqe8 are available. Paypal acct firing up… @JosephNardone

— Rush the Court (@rushthecourt) February 24, 2015

For the love of everything holy and independent college basketball sites, Batman! If the fun-police or whoever win, what does that mean for Rush the Court? Would it be forced to shut down? Would Randy have to change the name of the site to something more appropriate to the changing of the times? Is www.Lightlytappingacrossthehardwood(dot)com still available on GoDaddy? That might mean I would be forced to change the name of my column too. How enchanting could they really be if it didn’t mean there wouldn’t be the slightest chance of young people rushing right through it in a fit of drunken rage? Somehow I don’t think A Column of Appropriate Discourse is as appealing to my dozens and dozens of loyal readers.

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People have lots of differing opinions on all sorts of stuff. Usually, because they are them, their opinion is usually right while yours is most certainly wrong. Whether it is discussing important topics like global warming or more trivial things like an all-female cast of Ghostbusters, people have opinions and — well — you need to hear them out. Having fancy-schmancy opinions are fine. I mean that. I also mean that in the same way that having intimate relations with a bear is fine — as long as you know what you are getting yourself into, who am I to argue with what you want to do or say? Really, I am just a man who spews out opinions as well. It would be a bit hypocritical of me to tell you what you can or can’t think. Still, I wish people would think before they speak, type or whatever. Or, at the very least, look some stuff up before coming down hard on other people for things. Sure, we all get caught up in the gut reaction of seeing something live, and want something, whatever done about it, but maybe we should all be forced to take a little timeout and regroup before we start demanding things.

And. Here. We. Go.

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Kansas’ Perry Ellis is only a junior. I should probably repeat that one more time so you fully understand what I am trying to say. Perry Ellis, the guy who missed a layup at the end of the game against West Virginia and has seemingly been on Bill Self’s roster since Nixon was in office, is only a junior. This baffles the ever-living poop out of the insides of my cranium. I honestly thought he was at least a senior. Maybe it was his hairline being deathly afraid of his eyebrows or the fact that I sincerely remember him posting up Danny Manning at a practice at one point, but not only is he still an unpaid laborer, but he still has another year left to do all sorts of basketball things for free. This must be a huge, huge advantage for Kansas. Forget whatever happened against West Virginia and Ellis losing track of how much time he had and forcing his layup attempt. Bill Self has something just gosh slam amazing at his disposal. Seriously, having the eleventy-billion year old Perry Ellis is all the positive adjectives. All of them — even gnarly!

Amazingly, Perry Ellis is Only a Junior at Kansas (USA Today Images)

Here is a quick list of things Kansas should be grateful for while having the AARP-subscribed Ellis on the roster:

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It is a bittersweet week to be a college basketball fan. Heck, not even just for college basketball fans, but for people who love sports or love good people and/or interesting characters. The biggest story, obviously, is that the sport lost one of its most important, endearing and historical figure this week in Dean Smith. That’s not it, though. Another legendary coach, Jerry Tarkanian, lost his life on Wednesday in a Las Vegas hospital.

Dean Smith With Michael Jordan in the Early 1980s

Many people have already weighed in on the importance of Dean Smith in far better essays than anything I could ever possibly write. I am basically a bad joke-smith, so you will have to forgive me for not even attempting to write something as elegant as other folks’ work out there. I suggest you use the Google device to find such wonderful articles. Still, I’ll attempt to tell a story related to him and why I hated the “coach” part of him in my younger years before becoming old enough to realize how he was a man among boys and used his influence — even before he really had any to wield — to make an everlasting impact on the state of North Carolina and humans everywhere.

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One of my best friends growing up was a huge North Carolina fan. I never had any problems with UNC on my end, but my friend and I were hugely competitive as far as any sort of competition went. Whether it was video games (NFL Gameday was better than Madden at the time of our peak rivalry), one-on-one pickup games or vying for the affection of whoever we deemed crush-worthy. Looking back on it, it was all very silly, but let’s be clear about one thing; I won almost every time (I’m telling the story so f-him!).

I grew up a St. John’s fan. There was never really any reason for me to dislike UNC because of that. The Tar Heels played in the ACC and St. John’s in the Big East and the two teams very rarely played. However, what we did do — more often than I’d like to admit — was pretend we were whoever our particular favorite players were at the time and play one-on-one while doing so. It should be noted, though, that whatever player we picked, we then had to play his “style” of game. Example (I’ll choose an easy one that most will understand): If one of us were Marshall Henderson we would have to hurl shots from 25 feet out, regardless of circumstance, and kind of flail around while doing it.

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(Ed. Note: quotes may or may not be verbatim. Or accurate.) 

It is not another typical day at the St. John’s campus. Something seems different. Maybe it is the dark clouds that hover in the air, or the students walking around, seemingly faceless and unhappy. Possibly it is the basketball team that is strutting around aimlessly, daydreaming about the things that could have been. Nevertheless, something is strange at 8000 Utopia Parkway, Jamaica, NY. Some will say it shouldn’t be that way. St. John’s is a fine school. It enrolls nearly 21,000 kids despite only accepting about half of the people who apply to attend such a fine university. Still, there’s whispers of a big change coming. Not from an academic standpoint, though. A possible looming change could be what is making everyone seem, if not on edge, a bit too sad.

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A man named Steve Lavin is the current face of St. John’s. Steve typically wears fine suits with a pair of sneakers because he treasures comfort as much as he does style. Slicked back hair, slightly pudgy but certainly not fat, Steve has been helping mold young minds at the program for nearly five years. He came to St. John’s after years as a TV personality and before that as a molder of young minds over on the West Coast. Steve is a very likable fellow. He has always had a reputation of getting the best of the best to enroll at whatever school he was affiliated with at that particular moment, but things haven’t quite worked out that way since joining the big New York university. Sure, Steve has shown some glimpses of brilliance that made the people within the university fall in love with him in the first place, yet that era of him being all that and a bag of recruiting potato chips has seemingly passed.

Steve Lavin and Chris Monasch in Happy Times (NY Post)

He isn’t a broken man, though. No one keeps a good guy like Steve down. Few people have been through as much as he on a personal level over the last few years. Still, St. John’s brought him in to do a specific job and he hasn’t lived up to his end of the bargain. It wasn’t always that way. When Steve first took over the basketball program he had a slew of kids brought in by another man, Norm Roberts. Norm and Steve could not have been any different — Steve coming from a high-profile program and gig while Norm coming from the land of lesser known places of higher education. However, where Norm failed to bring St. John’s, Steve did in his very first year with the program. All in all, because of Steve’s immediate success. many thought their basketball program was on the way back up.

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There’s a note on Steve’s desk this morning. It reads: “Steve, we need to talk. Sincerely, Chris Monasch.” Chris is the boss. The head honcho of all things related to sports at St. John’s. Often mentioned as a kind man, who by all accounts really likes Steve and wants him to succeed if for no other reason than Steve being a good person, Chris has been under a different kind of pressure than the head basketball coach. People are starting to implore Chris, through newspapers, new media and social media, to look at the future of the St. John’s basketball program through a different lens. It is that pressure from the outside which has resulted in such a note landing on Steve’s desk.

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Looks like another week of people getting on their soapboxes to tell the world how horrible other people are. Stuff like that happens to be one of the things I hate about social media. You know, some guy or gal behind a keyboard pounding away on some keys to tell other people who aren’t even in remotely the same position as the person or group of people who they are bashing how horrible they are. Good times, right? A lot of the soap-boxing is going on in the world of the NFL where Marshawn Lynch is getting scorned by old white guys for not doing what they want him to do. But this is a college basketball column (kind of), so let’s move on to another weird situation going on in that sport. This one has to deal with an ultra-talented big man who also happens to have first-round NBA Draft talent.

Robert Upshaw (USA Today Images)

Robert Upshaw has been dismissed by the Washington Huskies for violating team rules. The seven-footer has no one to blame for this but himself. Between his rocky stay with Fresno State and his seemingly tumultuous time with Washigton Upshaw, reportedly, has failed multiple drug tests. That is completely on him. Not a soul to blame, regardless of his drug of choice, for not learning to make better decisions. However, none of us “really” know this kid. Few probably know what personal demons he might have or what insecurities come with being a seven-foot human in a six-foot-ish world. Passing judgment on him over reports that aren’t that detailed just seems silly to me. But man, you have a hot take about people choosing drugs over money (or here, the potential of money), so get to your keyboard! The orlando drug rehab can help treat people and make sure they start afresh and get rid of addiction.

People do realize that is not the choice people are making though, right? It is not as if Upshaw or any other athlete is thinking about losing out on millions of dollars over one more hit of weed or whatever. Not to mention, in Upshaw’s case, he is a kid — a kid in college. He probably thinks he is invincible. I know I did in my early twenties. I don’t know what you were doing in college or in your early twenties, but I doubt you were spending your Friday nights giving blankets out to the homeless. I mean, if you were, then give yourself a gosh slam gold star. These athletes live in a microscope that no one on the outside could even comprehend. Maybe we should stop pretending we can.

There’s also some dirty little code stuff going on whenever someone gets in trouble over getting busted for weed or drugs or booze that was eventually found out by the experts from muse treatment Los Angeles. People mostly don’t seem to think the actual offense is that bad, but that the person who violated should be punished. Here is a question I have for that: If it is weed, which most people think is not that horrible of a thing, why are you so mad at that person? Do you just want him to be punished for breaking a stupid rule or do you care about that rule so much in the first place? Answer that question honestly because it will tell you a lot about yourself. If you honestly care that much about the letter of the law then I guess it is what it is. But if you’re the person who doesn’t really care about the rule but still wants the person punished, why? Why is punishment always the preferred method instead of getting people help? Then again, if it is something so blah that you don’t think they actually need help (like weed not being addictive), why are you so mad? Don’t know if you can tell what I did there, but basically you’re all a bunch of scumbuckets for judging other people and wanting punishment for punishment’s sake.

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This past week was a good one in the world of college basketball. We had things ranging from last second shot attempts to schools imposing some “stiff” penalties on their own beings to finding out that the NCAA is incapable of properly booking flights. All in all, really, just some good ole fun courtesy of some unpaid labor doing terrific things and people who keep the unpaid labor from being paid being about as smart as a bag of rocks. Good times.

Obligatory. (USA Today Images)

Those types of things are not trends, however. Rather, they are themes that seem to keep happening and happening. If this were the world of pro wrestling, it would be like fans who are all upset because John Cena has never left the title picture despite the odds always being stacked against him. Weird analogy, I know, but it truly seems like any person with any sort of resemblance to power in college basketball is doing the same thing over and over, none of them being that swell or beneficial to anyone but people in other power positions, yet there is nothing we can do about it because, well, the Sam Cassell Jr. if I know.

Arm-drag.

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Holy charter planes, Batman! Reports have come out that teams may have to pack for an extra day when the NCAA Tournament begins. While it would be a lot funnier if this was because Mark Emmert didn’t know how to properly use Expedia, it is essentially as simple as there being more men’s and women’s teams traveling too near the same time as there will be a proper number of charter planes. So, yeah, some kids will have to stay a full extra day after they are eliminated from the Big Dance.

Never mind the fact, though, that these kids should have never been rushed to go back to school, home or wherever it is they go back to, to begin with. I was never comfortable with the NCAA using them for a single night, only to shuffle them away as quickly as possible. Like college football bowls, first dates and encounters with aliens from outer space, the NCAA Tournament should feel like an experience for these kids — not just a business trip. You know, because it isn’t a business, right Mark Emmert?

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I like progressive things. Between looking for outside-the-box ideas or solutions, to not being stuck in the fictional ideal of tradition, even all the way to Flo the Progressive lady, looking to fix things — even if they aren’t currently broken — is the right way to go about living life. Still, it irks me that people are currently looking to make some major overhauls to college hoops because, well, the college football playoff was a huge success. Honestly, the two sports are completely different beasts. For one, and most importantly, college football is an incredibly more profitable sport. Even when dumb, non-progressive folks were saying that the playoff would ruin the sport, most sane people realized that it would not only increase viewership but also make the schools more loot — which is the end game for all universities. Basically, the college football world added one more game to its bowl system, rebranded it into a playoff, and poof, college football is even more popular.

Ohio State Capped Off a Great College Football Playoff (USA Today Images)

Now, because it is easy to call for such things moments after another had such major success, smart people in the college basketball community want some reform. We aren’t talking paying the players reform, because that would be all too altruistic and right, but reducing the number of Division I teams type of reform. The person calling for it is ESPN commentator Jay Bilas, who is as smart, respected and progressive as they come. While I agree with some of his theoretical ideas, selfishly and hypothetically I disagree. Bilas wants fewer Division I teams for various educated reasons (I won’t go into them because his article is behind a paywall and I’m less knocking his idea as I am more supporting my own). So it is not as if he is wrong. He and I just have differing opinions on the matter. I — just as good looking as Bilas, but far less educated, respected and known — think college basketball is fine with the number of teams that are currently playing Division I hoops. I do think, though, that if we really wanted to get a bit more progressive with the sport, make more areas care and make it feel more local despite it being a national sport.

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We made it through the marathon known as the holidays. This is a good thing for so many different reasons. Between ridding yourselves of unwanted family time, being able to start making your checking account look (semi) decent, all the way to not needing to tippy-toe around the idea of a scary, bearded man sneaking down your chimney being a good thing, and not a thing that your children should fear and an event which shouldn’t result in you calling Dateline ID for some new story — it is over. It is all over. Let the sanity of normal life begin, except not at all.

You people are all batpoop insane. Not normal insane or just a little bit insane or Gary Busey insane, but batpoop insane. Batpoop insane, by my definition, is just above Busey insane yet two tiers lower than being I have to punch that old lady for a baseball in the stands insane. I say that because of my Twitter timeline. A combination of the people I follow, the people they retweeted, and the not so smart idea of doing a Twitter search made my eyeballs want to escape the depths of my cranium. Why? Because it seems like a very large number of humans really hate Kentucky.

Why? (USA TODAY Sports)

With Ole Miss taking the Wildcats down to the wire on Tuesday night it seemed like everyone and their (respective) mothers were rooting for Big Blue Nation to falter. But why? I am seriously curious about this certain type of bizzaro fandom. I get rooting for your team to the point of it being unsettling and even bordering on inappropriate, although, I have yet to understand the type of fandom which results in people hating teams or conferences or athletes that much. Sans the few examples of certain athletes being worse than an evil-doer in The Walking Dead or being nauseated by the oversaturation of certain conferences, what makes a person hate a team so much? I am genuinely curious.

I get being jealous of Kentucky’s success or — to some extent — not being in love with John Calipari’s one-and-done approach. Still, shouldn’t we be celebrating what and how they do it? I mean, in an age when everyone complains about selfish players and whatnot, Calipari continues to recruit tippy-top-recruits (how do I get a patent?) and convinces them to play unselfishly, putting their numbers and individual accolades to the wayside, all in favor of Kentucky basketball. It is the same thing people used to do when they applauded Coach K’s methods during Duke’s great runs. However, because Cal and/or Kentucky basketball is less likable because I haven’t the slightest, people continue to hammer them for whatever reasons they can find and instead of celebrating a close win after a two-week layoff they rather poke holes in all things surrounding the program.

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Don’t be that person. You know, the guy or gal who waited an entire year to make life-altering decisions on the first of the brand spanking New Year. Like, if you wanted to do whatever it is that you chose as your resolution so bad why in the Sam Cassell, Jr., have  you waited  so long? Seriously, what in the heck was wrong with quitting smoking, drinking, losing some pounds or giving up visiting professional streetwalkers on the regular that you couldn’t do that on October 14? I mean, if it were that important. Alas, it is a day for false hope. Where your significant other swears to change, Uncle Lou gives up the sauce, and some person near your cubicle swears that he/she (or maybe a he-she) will never touch chocolate again. So, um, basketball — kind of.

Worth Every Penny. (Photo: Mark Dolejs – USA TODAY Sports)

Jim Harbaugh left the not-so-friendly confines of the NFL for a coaching job at Michigan. It has been reported that the khaki-wearing football savant will be making roughly $7 million a year to coach some unpaid labor. And, you know what, he is worth every penny. Please, let me explain why and how this also correlates as to why college basketball coaches who get paid large sums of money deserve it as well.

Do you think there are actual X-and-O coaches as good as Jim Harbaugh out there? Of course there are. The same could be said for many college basketball coaches. To think that Coach K is literally the single best on-the-floor general on the entire planet is nuts. To think that — even if it were true — being the best in-game coach is the sole reason he wins lots of games is silly. In fact, there might be some guy in Budapest right now, coaching some third-tier division, who actually might know more stuff about the game than Harbaugh or Coach K. However, the two have something that separates them from the rest of the hundreds and hundreds of excellent coaches who get run from their jobs. It happens to be the same exact thing that made The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels a WWE Hall of Famer, but Marty Jannetty some form of cautionary tale/joke.

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Depending on when this is published it is either the celebration of the world’s most famous carpenter and his birthday or it is the day after. Either way, to you and yours, I hope you have as much fun doing whatever it is that normal people do on the morning after some guy sneaks into your house, steals your cookies, drinks your milk and are forced to feed his reindeer, as every other normal member of the human species. Alas, college basketball.

Somehow Oliver Purnell is Involved in this Classic Christmas Scene

For those of you who do not care for Christmas or truly hate spending time with your family, well, there’s some pretty solid news. Despite the Hallmark Channel and the like throwing more bad movies at your picture-box than the SyFy channel could ever dream of, there does happen to be a few college games on the slate. Four in total (that I know of at least). So, I guess, you will have something to watch as you pretend to listen to Aunt Betty’s latest victories in the kitchen. To be completely fair, though, Aunt Betty does make a mean pasta salad. Unfortunately, the four games in Hawaii aren’t all that intriguing. George Washington plays Wichita State; Ohio takes on surprisingly disappointing Nebraska; Colorado will attempt to make Hawaii a non-destination point; and DePaul will play Loyola Marymount. I’d ignore all these games even if you like your family just a little bit, but if you really need to get a college hoops fix then I suggest you watch DePaul continue to pretend to be a semi-competent basketball team. I mean, it is Oliver Purnell‘s farewell tour — I think.

It is no secret that the Blue Demons have floundered under Big Bad Oliver. Being approximately a billion games under .500 just isn’t good (statistic might not be accurate). Still, because DePaul, Purnell has been able to hang onto his job since the athletic department seems to care about winning basketball games as much as it does in learning the true identity of Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer. Like, not a lot. Not to mention that Rudolph’s backstory sure seems fishy. Where are that deer’s parents? His nose is red so that makes him qualified to lead the rest of the more experienced reindeer? You’re telling me that Santa made it all those years in bad weather without the (again, I think?) orphaned-ish reindeer, but he somehow came into power? I am pretty sure Rudolph has some unflattering pictures of Santa somewhere. Nepotism runs deep — even at the North Pole, friends.

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