Bernie Madoff Sleeps in Clemson, Safely Away From Maryland Rapists…

Posted by rtmsf on August 30th, 2010

We caught this clip during an encore presentation of a CNBC show called American Greed: Madoff Behind Bars over the weekend, and we just about fell off our couch laughing during it.  It turns out that the federal minimum-security prison located in Butner, North Carolina (nicknamed Camp Fluffy because of its pleasant amenities and surroundings for the inmates), utilizes a hilariously inappropriate labeling system of housing units that involves many of the original Atlantic Coast Conference schools.   Check it out:

As you heard in the video, Madoff is housed in Clemson as part of the general population (“gen pop”) grouping, along with the other two gen pop schools, Virginia and Georgia Tech.  Can there be any doubt that the contractor/designer/architect of this prison had a clever yet brilliantly deranged sense of humor?  Let’s quickly recap:

  • NC State & Wake Forest – these two dorms house drug addicts
  • Duke – houses mental health patients
  • Maryland – houses sex offenders
  • Clemson, Virginia & Georgia Tech – these dorms house all the other general population inmates
  • UNC – notably absent

Isn’t it peculiar that North Carolina, the flagship state university located a mere 21 miles to the south of the prison, is notably absent from the Butner dorm system?  Consider the groupings.  Duke, UNC’s biggest rival by far, gets stuck with the crazy people.  You can almost read it in big bold letters between the lines — you’d have to be nuts to go to Duke.  Fellow Tar Heel state schools NC State and Wake Forest get all the druggies — you must be on drugs to end up at those places.  Among the original seven ACC teams, Maryland always had the reputation for being an outsider, a quasi-northern school filled with rude, obnoxious Yankees.  In Butner, the Terps are the worst of the worst — weirdos who can’t control themselves and their proclivities.  Clemson, Virginia and Georgia Tech were never really strong rivals of UNC, so they’re left with the average criminals — bad, but not at all like the others

This can’t all be pure coincidence, can it?  Of course not.  This prankish long-term thinking makes the Boston Red Sox jersey hidden in the bowels of Yankee Stadium a couple of years back look like child’s play.  Whether it was a local contractor or architect or whoever, we’re quite sure this person goes to sleep every night content that he has left a lasting legacy far beyond what he anticipated when he originally got that job.  Well played, Mr. Whoever You Are.  Well played.

(h/t – Dr. Saturday – we’re not first on this, but we were unaware of it until this weekend)

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