Rush The Court

Our last semifinal pits two seed Adam Butler (Pachoops) up against the fourth seed, Connor Pelton. Below are the rosters, followed by commentary from the respective owner:

Adam Butler

• Head Coach – Ralph Miller, Oregon State

• Guard – Damon Stoudamire, Arizona
• Guard – Mike Bibby, Arizona
• Guard – Michael Dickerson, Arizona
• Guard – Salim Stoudamire, Arizona

• Forward – Sean Elliott, Arizona
• Forward – Ed O’Bannon, UCLA
• Forward – Shareef Abdur-Rahim, California
• Forward – Chris Mills, Arizona

• Center – Todd MacCulloch, Washington
• Center – Bison Dele, Arizona

Adam’s Take:

Oh, pardon me! I was still chuckling at Connor’s lineup. Allow me to explain.

Indeed, a team centered by Steve Johnson is a formidable one. Anyone who shoots 75% from the floor for a season must be taken seriously. Conversely, anyone who looks like Sideshow Bob should not. That’s Robin Lopez. Besides, Todd MacCulloch just set the high score on The Simpsons: Pinball in Springfield at six different Canadian bars, and somewhere a piece of Lopez dies.

Moving our way out of the deep frontcourt we can look at the forwards on Team Pelton. I’m inclined to dismiss Jon Brockman because hustle only counts in real basketball. In fantasy drafts, hustle is just cute. Which is why I suppose Klay Thompson gets a fantasy nod because numbers count in fantasy ball and softness is cute. Please, Chris Mills just sneezed to block a Thompson jumper. I of course have love for Richard Jefferson, but if you’re a forward from Arizona and your name isn’t Elliott, you’re still not going to win this one. The fourth opposing forward’s name is Kiki, in which I rest my case.

Guard play, as you noticed, is Team PacHoops’ strength and not Team Pelton’s. Sure, there’s some talent, but no rings. I thought college hoops was all about solid guard play. You’re telling me none of these guys could garner one championship? Wait, wait, between these four guards they mustered at best a Sweet Sixteen? Woof (not for you, IT). Reggie and Chauncey appeared in the NCAA Tournament just once each? Does Spike Lee know this? None of that sounds fun. Fun sounds more like never missing an NCAA Tournament and winning it all. That’s who I like on my team. Got ‘em.

At the helm, Ralph Miller Court sits inside of Gill Coliseum. I can give that and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s indisputably the most badass possible thing to have a coliseum with your name on it. But look, I know you saw Batman Begins and if you didn’t, well, you’re missing out. Point being, Bruce Wayne didn’t just become Batman. He needed mentorship to become the fearless defender of Gotham he would become. Enter Ra’s Al Ghul, the sensei who salvages Wayne from a Chinese prison. Protégé, meet mentor. But the relationship goes sour and the two part ways; Wayne to his seemingly playboy life, Al Ghul to what appeared to be his death (theme?). Alas, the end of the film gives us Al Ghul’s villainous return to Gotham and Batman’s heroic and final takedown of the mentor. In the ultimate flipping of the script, Al Ghul and all his wisdom and skill is no match for the noble monster he created.

So, what the hell am I getting at? I’m saying that if the greatest hero (or certainly superhero trilogy) of our time could defeat his mentor, so too can Ralph Miller and defeat his Oregon State predecessor, Slats Gill. Miller won more games and was twice National Coach of the Year. Goodness I love me some Ws.

Have I made a stretch here? Perhaps. But you also just got to read college hoops and Batman so you’re welcome. Vote PacHoops.

Connor Pelton

• Head Coach – Slats Gill, Oregon State

• Guard – Reggie Miller, UCLA
• Guard – Isaiah Thomas, Washington
• Guard – Chauncey Billups, Colorado
• Guard – Baron Davis, UCLA

• Forward – Kiki Vandeweghe, UCLA
• Forward – Klay Thompson, Washington State
• Forward – Richard Jefferson, Arizona
• Forward – Jon Brockman, Washington

• Center – Steve Johnson, Oregon State
• Center – Robin Lopez, Stanford

Connor’s Take:

Congrats, Adam. Cute story. Notice how he only mentioned TWO of his players – it’s because he’s insecure about his team. After reading Adam’s paragraph on his backcourt, why don’t you go back and take another look at his roster. None of his guards missed an NCAA Tournament because they all attended Arizona, a team that spanning the 14 seasons from the beginning of their careers to the end, NEVER missed a Tournament. Now, we all could have drafted all of the players at a position from a certain school that went dancing a lot, and then we could throw around stats like that. But the purpose was to find the best individual players; and my team has those.

While Adam’s throwing around TEAM stats like tournament appearances, my backcourt was busy outscoring his. He conveniently forgot to mention that, but he did mention the words “numbers count in fantasy ball.” Really, it’s right above; you can check. So technically, I just took his theory and beat him with it.

Now we arrive at the coaching staffs. Apologies if you fell asleep during Adam’s comic-book fairy tales while he tried to justify that Miller is a better coach than Slats Gill. Oregon State basketball would have never reached its peak (being ranked number one in the nation for half a season and earning two seeds in the NCAA Tournament) without the groundwork that Gill had provided previously. In Adam’s blurb, he tried to play the mentor/protégé angle. And I hate to break it to the people who actually read through his story all the way, but like any good politician, Adam lied to you. Scratch that; the good politicians lie and get away with it. We see through you Adam. See, Gill had passed away SEVEN years before Miller even took over as head coach. There wasn’t any mentoring going on, Miller was just taking advantage of the great program Gill had left for him.

Which brings me to my final point. Once again, pining for votes, Adam smudged the facts slightly. While yes, Miller had more total wins in his career, this is a Pac-12 Fantasy League. Voters should only consider the wins while at Oregon State; a battle that Gill wins by 240 victories. Counting wins not at Oregon State would be like saying Michael Jordan isn’t a good basketball player because he owned the worst team in NBA history. It’s irrelevant.

Vote Team Pelton, spreading the truth in a land full of deception.

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Voting begins now and will close at 8:00 AM on Saturday. The winner is off to the Championship where it will face Team CougCenter.

Good luck to all, and happy voting.