Rush The Court

Earlier tonight The Big Lead posted a link to an article that Linda Gonzalez, the sister of former Seton Hall coach Bobby Gonzalez, had put up on her personal blog. The post, which is now blocked, was titled “HERE IT IS: AMERICA’S TOP TEN WORST, LEAST CREDIBLE, MOST CONFLICTED SPORTWRITERS ( DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME AND KEEP FROM CHILDREN)”. That is the actual title of the post and it instantly created a mini-firestorm on Twitter. We are not sure what made Linda Gonzalez decide to block her entire blog (perhaps a call from Bobby?), but now it isn’t open to the public. Fortunately, we got to the post before she blocked it and were so enthralled by the ridiculousness of it that we decided to save the post in all of its glory.

Before we give you the list it probably would help to give you a little context about her post. Gonzalez begins her post by providing her own preface:

Preface: The ten media people in this post are writers and media faces who do whatever they want whenever they want to whoever they want wherever they want and in whatever way they choose. Responsibility is not taken into consideration, nor is the destruction wrought with lives affected innocent or otherwise and truth and accuracy are afterthoughts (maybe). They are known to be malicious, cruel, sarcastic, mocking and downright sadistic with ridicule
So…….Right back at ya.

It is pretty clear for her preface that this is in reference to writers whom she believes played a significant role in her brother losing his job at Seton Hall and she is more than happy to take her anger out on them with her blog (and some very disturbing “Prediction fantasy” ideas for what should happen to those writers).

Gonzalez begins her list with Pete Thamel, who we will admit has drawn quite a bit of scorn from multiple fan bases for his exposés on those programs. Linda goes a bit further than most as she writes the following passage:

1. PETE THAMEL of the NYT  Probably got beat up every day in grammar school for that lazy eye and now wants to take out his personal rejections on the world. Got to love the pictures of him from nonstop.com. Thamel is no more than a low-life domestic word terrorist, with no respect for human life, crawling around on his belly to better bite people in the heel to bring them down. He’s making a living at getting basketball coaches fired.  Why? Politics wouldn’t have him, too many big words and complex issues.He’s made it his mission in life to bring down coaches he doesn’t like. He’s already cost hundreds of people their living, destroyed the lives of players and players families, and cost states millions of dollars in educational assets. He is unfair, unbalanced, inaccurate, misleading to the point of making things up, a danger to his newspaper and to the public at large. If this were an old wanted list, he would be Baby Face Nelson.  No conscience. His only interest is inspiring widespread hate. Wants fame and blows his own horn every chance he gets. He’s exactly the opposite of everything a  reporter should be. Wants to be a TV star too. Partners up with anyone who will boost his self-image. For all that he isn’t, he’s  #1. Prediction fantasy: somebody no one ever heard of, who’s life was ruined indirectly by him lies in wait and runs him down on a New York street some dark and foggy night. Unfortunately, as in the world of pipe smoking crack dealers, Kevin Armstrong, whose star suddenly fell at the New York Daily News for partying too heavy and failing to join his fellow pack journalists at a local photo op, jumps in to quickly replace him.

Like we said disturbing, but it only gets more spiteful and twisted as she continues. Her next “victim” is Pat Forde, who also has been the subject of vitriol from multiple fan bases.

2. PAT FORDE of ESPN   If Pat Forde knew what every basketball coach in America – except Rick Pitino – says about him behind his back, he would never sleep another minute in his life.  #2 Forde is a conflicted, two-faced individual and the worst mistake ESPN has ever made in its history. He helped do a book with Rick Pitino placing him in a conflict of interest state with ESPN. His enemies are whoever Pitino doesn’t like and competes against – which is pretty much everybody. Do you know about him, is a question rookie coaches in division one get asked by coaches who have been around. He’s one of those cowardly backstabbers who gets his dirt in the dark. Prediction fantasy: He gets kicked in the head by a horse at the Kentucky Derby after he trips while trying to catch Pitino’s coattails and suffers permanent amnesia. He ends up bussing tables in an Italian restaurant that seems familiar to him for a reason he can’t remember.

We were not aware that coaches had that much against Forde, but this is coming from the Gonzalez family and they are clearly representative of most coaches and their families, right? Linda’s next target is Jeff Goodman, who we cannot imagine that many people who have met Jeff have many bad things to say about him.

3. JEFF GOODMAN  formerly of Foxsports and now of CBS Sports.com. As long as we’re talking Fordes or Ford or any derivative thereof,  #3 Goodman is in the same camp. He can adequately be compared with the infamous coward Ford who shot Billy the Kid in the back. Goodman should really be disqualified on a list with the word writers on it but he works so much harder than anyone else at earning a scumbag label that it was decided to include him. The CBS job is a good move for Goodman since working with such writers as Gregg Doyel – one of the best in the business- will force him into some kind of self-awareness of his shortcomings. Goodman is a guy who trolls for anything sensational 24 hours a day. Doesn’t have to be true or even relevant. It’s said when he sleeps, seven demons from hell on his shoulder force him to dream up tweets. Prediction fantasy: Karma kicks in. Goodman becomes a victim of ridicule by a national press, is mocked on twitter, the very place he has come to think of as home and he can’t bear it. He vanishes. But for a hundred years there are sightings of him in a Mexico border town trying to dig his way back in.

Gonzales moves on down the list to Lenn Robbins, JP Pelzmann, Gary Parrish, Mike Francessa, Dana O’Neil, Sean/Eammon Brennan, and Dick “Hoops” Weiss.

• 4. LENN ROBBINS of New York Post   Robbins as  #4 ends up towards the top but not near enough to suit him. He wants #1 scumbag writer and does whatever he thinks it takes to work at it. Robbins is New York’s  legendary St. Johns pimp, SNY guest star, and frequent expert for the NIMH (that’s National Institute for Mental Health).  Robbins is known for being wrong – all the time – and is the least credible reporter in America. He specializes in using his position to bully his enemies. But he’s at the New York Post who are adept at distracting readers from bad reporters by their sensational headlines. Prediction fantasy: Robbins finally comes out of the closet and runs away with a well known SNY sports newscaster. Unfortunately, they are followed by twitter addicts who will never let them be alone. They decide to use their popularity for good and end up serving as co councilmen in San Francisco writing pamphlets for gay pride.
• 5. JP PELZMAN: really this list is only for the famous and infamous, but Pelzman of the Bergen Record in New Jersey was picked at #5 for possessing pure dirt qualities in the Robert Mitchell affair. A writer nobody cares about so he has to go out of his way to get attention.  Prediction fantasy: he gets his own reality tv show that ends up making him a national star. The show America’s Ugliest Faces is expected to attract top ratings shares because of it’s train wreck qualities. It’s thought that people just won’t be able to look away. It’s also thought that Pelzman will inspire an overwhelming increase in the use of the social media  with people trying to win massive amounts of money by completing this sentence: JP Pelzman is so ugly, he………………………… Examples of entries: looks like he got hit  with a bag of nickels; was born on an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down and things, his face was on fire and they put it out with a rake. Things like that.
• 6. GARY PARRISH of CBS Sports makes the list at #6 for recent comments that are just kinda stupid. Parrish is  bored, hates sports, hates sports people. He deals with his boredom by bullying and picking on people who have no idea who he is.” If Khloe Kardashian just walks around by herself all the time, she’s probably okay. Nobody makes fun of her. She’s not a super model, but she’s fine. But the problem for her is that she’s sisters with two Kardashian’s that are hotter than her, and so she’s constantly made fun of and constantly judged harshly. And:  I’m not comparing NC State to Khloe Kardashian exactly, but I think you’re in a bad spot when you’re constantly third in a small group. “ Prediction fantasy:  Parrish accepts a guest spot on Oprah’s new network and during an interview when asked why he’s picking on NC State and the Kardashian sisters, he breaks down and admits tearfully that he “just doesn’t like anybody. Not women, not men, not children, not athletes, not coaches, not fans, not anybody.” CNN picks it up and Parrish is forced to resign from CBS sports. He opens a barbecue cafe in Olive Branch, Missouri.
• 7. MIKE FRANCESSA from WFAN New York  at #8 big Mike gets his due though he too would prefer to be #1. That number became unattainable for Francessa on any list long ago with his highly publicized divorce from the Mad Dog. Still, for his arrogance; failure to know anything about anything; because he thinks he’s better than everyone else; because he uses his show as a bully pulpit; because he thinks he has special dispensation from the Pope since he’s friends with St. Johns University President Harrington; and just because he’s an obnoxious name dropping, overindulged, overcompensated, obfuscating jackass; he gets listed. Prediction fantasy: a couple of staples break in Francessa’s gut while he is on air complaining endlessly about Jamie Dixon’s sideline demeanor. He’s rushed to the hospital but when surgeons open him up, they are scorched with such an explosion of hot air, they cannot get near him and alas………..
• 8. DANA O’NEIL of ESPN.com takes #8  O’Neil’s admitted absolute heroes are #1 Pete Thamel and #2 Pat Forde on this list. Her daily research is taken from #3 Jeff Goodman and #6 Gary Parrish. It’s said, she owes her job at ESPN.com to Pat Forde. For that and all that these dynamics mean, she makes the list. Their enemies are her enemies. And it follows, their work is her work. A pile-on, packer. She’s downright good when she does her own work, but those pieces are few and far between. Instead, she relies on all of the gossip, innuendo and outrageous claims on Google and social media to pick up opinions anywhere from anyone. She then takes dirty, below the belt shots to whomever her mentors tell her to hate. O’Neil managed to drop all of her journalistic integrity along the way from newspapering to dot.com. Besides that, she  flat out spends way too much time trying to be one of the guys and it’s just annoying. Prediction fantasy: after losing her mentors above, O’Neil repents and turns to more feminine pursuits. She runs a Charm School in Bucks County, Pa. where she teaches proper manners to young girls such as how to walk and speak with poise, sit appropriately, write thank you notes. Her main teaching goal for them: never never write anything that demeans the dignity of others and never, never, never use the word class. Bad manners for a real lady especially one who admittedly emulated Thamel,Forde, Goodman and Parrish.
• 9. SEAN BRENNAN & EAMMON BRENNAN of New York Daily News and ESPN.com respectively. they take #9 as a duo. These two share a name and an affinity for dirty, underhanded, cheap shots and for passing on inaccurate information. Both are copycats of other dirty, underhanded, cheap shot takers who pass on inaccurate information, Both  refuse to ever think for themselves. For that, they get to share and don’t get anything else written about them since additional publicity might encourage some young mind out there to copycat them. Prediction fantasy: the NCAA, while searching the internet for clues as to how to conduct an investigation, chanced upon a secret Irish society of reporters who communicated with each other on Twitter. The NCAA immediately accuses the group of attempting to influence college sports by manipulating the hiring and firing of coaches, influencing recruits to go to certain schools, and basically flaunting their powers in the NCAA’s face for all the world to see on Twitter. The NCAA immediately passes a new law that allows them to ban reporters from commenting on basketball ever again. This group which stretches from New England to the midwest is ousted from all of their respective jobs. They all become college basketball street agents to best use their skills and to make sure the NCAA would never be able to find them again. Except Eammon Brennan who, as it turns out had no useful skills, so goes to work for The Gap. Sean Brennan, after a beer drinking binge night with his buddies Kevin Willard (SHU coach) and Bob Byrnes (Manhattan AD) he jumps in the Hudson after he learns of his buddy Lenn Robbins running away.
• 10. DICK HOOPS WEISS  this columnist for the New York Daily News is on this list because he is referred to as Hoops and is the only one in America to carry the label. He’s somewhat of a legend in the basketball world and can write anything he wants without letting facts get in the way. He also has better than average contacts. He’s absolutely loyal to a fault to his friends and makes sure he always takes care of them with good publicity in his columns even if it means hurting someone else unfairly. And you have to honor someone with the legendary word Hoops permanently ensconsed in his name since it was probably charming once in a long ago world.   Prediction fantasy: He remains a legend until one day he scares a famous person’s child into a hysterical coma when the child fears Weiss  is wearing a live rat on his head. He’s asked to resign and lives in obscurity. Rick Pitino buys him a house near Saratoga and pays all the bills for the rest of Weiss’ natural born days. Weiss has to agree to confidentiality agreements re: Pitino’s love life and a bald head in return.

To prove that she isn’t an awful person, she goes on to list the “top five sportswriters in America”:

Hands down No. 1 is Billy Reynolds of the Providence Journal. No one comes close to this man of substance.
Ian O’Connor – loaded with talent, inspiring.
Gregg Doyel – also loaded with talent,. Can’t fool me with that hard edge. This is a deep thinking sensitive soul. I’m mad at him though and have to say he has more talent than he deserves because he stopped
Doyel’s Dribbles on college basketball and I seriously miss it.
Adrian Wojnarowski: also a man of substance even though there have been times when I have wanted to personally strangle him. You’ve got to respect his writing talent and his way of looking at an issue. Always insightful.
Dan Wetzel: thoughtful. Got to love a deep thinker and a man of letters. I suspect God likes him

We aren’t sure if Bobby Gonzalez even has PR people any more, but we can only hope for a response from him.