Bernie Madoff Sleeps in Clemson, Safely Away From Maryland Rapists…

Posted by rtmsf on August 30th, 2010

We caught this clip during an encore presentation of a CNBC show called American Greed: Madoff Behind Bars over the weekend, and we just about fell off our couch laughing during it.  It turns out that the federal minimum-security prison located in Butner, North Carolina (nicknamed Camp Fluffy because of its pleasant amenities and surroundings for the inmates), utilizes a hilariously inappropriate labeling system of housing units that involves many of the original Atlantic Coast Conference schools.   Check it out:

As you heard in the video, Madoff is housed in Clemson as part of the general population (“gen pop”) grouping, along with the other two gen pop schools, Virginia and Georgia Tech.  Can there be any doubt that the contractor/designer/architect of this prison had a clever yet brilliantly deranged sense of humor?  Let’s quickly recap:

  • NC State & Wake Forest – these two dorms house drug addicts
  • Duke – houses mental health patients
  • Maryland – houses sex offenders
  • Clemson, Virginia & Georgia Tech – these dorms house all the other general population inmates
  • UNC – notably absent

Isn’t it peculiar that North Carolina, the flagship state university located a mere 21 miles to the south of the prison, is notably absent from the Butner dorm system?  Consider the groupings.  Duke, UNC’s biggest rival by far, gets stuck with the crazy people.  You can almost read it in big bold letters between the lines — you’d have to be nuts to go to Duke.  Fellow Tar Heel state schools NC State and Wake Forest get all the druggies — you must be on drugs to end up at those places.  Among the original seven ACC teams, Maryland always had the reputation for being an outsider, a quasi-northern school filled with rude, obnoxious Yankees.  In Butner, the Terps are the worst of the worst — weirdos who can’t control themselves and their proclivities.  Clemson, Virginia and Georgia Tech were never really strong rivals of UNC, so they’re left with the average criminals — bad, but not at all like the others

This can’t all be pure coincidence, can it?  Of course not.  This prankish long-term thinking makes the Boston Red Sox jersey hidden in the bowels of Yankee Stadium a couple of years back look like child’s play.  Whether it was a local contractor or architect or whoever, we’re quite sure this person goes to sleep every night content that he has left a lasting legacy far beyond what he anticipated when he originally got that job.  Well played, Mr. Whoever You Are.  Well played.

(h/t – Dr. Saturday – we’re not first on this, but we were unaware of it until this weekend)

rtmsf (3954 Posts)

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6 responses to “Bernie Madoff Sleeps in Clemson, Safely Away From Maryland Rapists…”

  1. WakeFan says:

    Despite what ESPN might tell you, Duke isn’t really UNC’s biggest rival. In football, NC State is their biggest rival. In basketball, it’s basketball (and, pre-Coach K I suspect that wasn’t true).

  2. WakeFan says:

    Ugh, I meant: In basketball, it’s Duke.

  3. rtmsf says:

    UNC and NC State play football? We know Duke doesn’t, but we weren’t sure about the other two RTP schools.

  4. garik16 says:

    First of all, this is freaking hysterical.

    Second Re: Football, Duke does play it, but from 1990 (When Steve Spurrier left) until 2 years ago (with a small omission for 1995), Duke Football was freaking godawful. My freshman through Junior years we went a combined 2-33 (and yes i went to home games).

    David Cutcliffe took over the program 2 years ago (He’s famous for being the coach for Peyton and Eli Manning). We went 4-8 his first season and 5-7 last season. Now, none of this is to say those are particularly good results overall, but the school is getting better every year under him.

    And with UNC’s football scandal…well, we just might beat them and be bowl eligible this year.

  5. G. Floyd says:

    This story is hilarious. Also shows that outside of Raleigh, Durham, and Winston-Salem, the entire state is full of UNC homers.

    On a football note, Kenan will be RED on November 20th.

  6. WakeFan says:

    rtmsf, basketball is what matters in NC, I just hate it when people buy into the ESPN myth the Duke is UNC’s primary rival. Not only is that not strictly true right now, but it hasn’t always been the case either. You’d better believe that during the ’70s and early ’80s Duke was a relative afterthought compared to NC State. And, prior to that it was probably Wake for a while. The Big 4 relationships are constantly changing, the only consistency is that the rest of us all hate UNC.

    I really wish the ADs at the four schools would come to their senses and work something out with the ACC so that we could have the Big 4 tournament again. It would really help strengthen the rivalries and would make the league better as well. ESPN would lap it up too.

    G. Floyd, I wouldn’t exactly say Winston Salem is a Wake Forest town either.

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